I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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