I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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