i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize