Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my being single is dangerous.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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