like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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