Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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