I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
