yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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