well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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