I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
