My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
