he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
