It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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