..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
