just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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