If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
