just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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