I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
