Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
