I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
