Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
