talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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