is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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