he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
