no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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