Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
