it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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