Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
