I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize