well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize