Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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