you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
