so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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