seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
