i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize