Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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