he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
