There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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