you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This baby is an asshole
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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