i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
