I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
