Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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