He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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