have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
