He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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