ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
