Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
