they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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