Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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