Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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