I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
