idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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