do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
