Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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