Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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