Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
