Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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