I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
