Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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