Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
