I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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