last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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