i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
