got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
