yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Little spoons don't ask big questions
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize