Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize