Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize