Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He felt like a one man threesome
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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