And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
