I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
