also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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