I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
