So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
