32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
