i permit you to call me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
