How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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