I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
