Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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