Already got asked if we're dating
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
