I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
