when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize