I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
